Friday, November 21, 2008

How to Get a Piece of the Bailout Pie

Neil Cavuto, business analyst at Fox News, provides a very cynical (but funny) look at how one should approach the government in order to get free money from them:

  1. Look depressed, really depressed.
  2. Wear a really cheap suit.
  3. Keep insisting it's "for the kids".
  4. During breaks, wrap up all food and say it's "for the kids".
  5. Tell everyone that your workers are upset and have guns.
  6. Say that your case is different and truly pathetic.
  7. Keep taking all sorts of different coloured pills during the hearings.


RedShoesBigTiara said...

I pay 25% in taxes . . . I'd love to recapture a little of that! I could pretend to be depressed but I will NOT wear a cheap suit. Guess I'm SOL :)

Pelalusa said...

I just spoke with a friend of mine who is a banker. He is also disgusted with the possible bailout of the Big 3 Automakers.

Earlier this morning there was a fellow from the Auto Retailers of Canada on the radio. He said [paraphrasing] : "Even though we had a pretty good year, the government must ensure that credit keeps on flowing. So giving a bailout to the Big 3 is an effective way to do that." I almost threw the radio on the floor!

As I said to my banker friend, if the gov't insists on giving away precious taxpayer dollars, I'd much rather they give it to all people on welfare than to ANY company.

This is truly a NUTTY time we're in!

RedShoesBigTiara said...

Oh I agree. The us automakers fell behind in the 70's when an american developed a novel idea: less waste = more income. Crazy, but the Japanese loved it and that's why they are ahead.

I love America. I love driving Ford. But I'm opposed to a bailout. Let them fail. It's capitalism and Darwinism at it's finest. I'd hate to see a foreign company buy one of the Big 3, but I don't think my tax money should pay for their stupidity.

Pelalusa said...

Here's a little factoid I heard the other day:

If the Big 3 Automakers get $25 Billion from the U.S. Gov't then $14 Billion will go to General Motors.

GM is currently burning through $2 Billion per MONTH.

Once the bailout goes through (and I'm pretty darn sure it will) expect them back in DC for more $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ next June.

brett said...

Cavuto forgot to add that preceding all the forlorn posturing you must also fly to the beggars convention in your private jet!