Greater Vancouver Barbies
I wish I could take credit for this but alas, it was passed onto me by an ex-pat Vancouverite living in Ontario. Plus, I don't own any Barbies!!! Clearly, it will offend my politically correct friends mais c'est la vie!
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Vancouver market:
"West Vancouver Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Park Royal Shopping Center. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a designer kitchen. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
"North Vancouver Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"Surrey Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
"Shaughnessy Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
"Mission Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Yaletown Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
"Chilliwack Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Abbotsford Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
"Commercial Drive Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Commercial Drive Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"Dowtown Eastside Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
"Whistler Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out skiing.
"Davie St. Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on body parts.
Labels:
barbie,
humour,
stereotype,
Vancouver
8 comments:
OH MY WORD.
Soooo bad. But sooo true.
That's classic! I can't even say which one I like the best. Though the snap-on/off parts is pretty funny.
Mind if I yoink this for a future post on my own blog? (with a link, of course! :)
SOMEBODY sure did some extra work to get all these pictures made. Most is pretty stereotypical, but Abbottsford area is known as the biblebelt, maybe a church going barbie ? I feel left out, as I'm not represented, or would that be bad taste?
Now we need the same for Toronto, what is it like there?
But where, oh where, is KITS BARBIE?
Straw blond pony tail hanging through dark blue Detroit Tigers ballcap, sweats by Lululemon, runners by New Balance, she always carries her own Starbucks silver mug with 2% decaf latte (hold the cinimmon & sprinkles, please), very aggressively drives a maroon & grey Mini-Cooper, works as a production assistant on films (read, "Get the coffee table set up, will ya?"), knows everything about everything and everybody, but has no actual skills, and her Ken Doll is working out all day at Ron Zalko's.
You all are TOO funny!
David, you've just described 2 out of every 3 women I've ever dated in Vancouver ... minus me working out at Ron Zalko's. No wonder why these relationships were doomed!!! :-)
Nachtwache, my *guess* is that these Barbies were probably decorated for another part of the world (NY? LA?) and just reidentified for our neck of the woods!
All very funny!
Could I use your Commercial Drive Barbie pic and blurb on my CD blog
http://thedriveisalive.blogspot.com?
I'll be happy to link back to you.
Hey Steve, as indicated above, I didn't create this material. It was just one of those anonymous things that I received in an e-mail. So link or post away!
where is immigrant barbie? The one still living with her mom and dad in south vancouver, trying to be "white", yet talking like she's black?!
Hi all;
what about west-end barbie?
the one who has a rainbow flag on her door, doesn't contribute to Co2 emissions much because she only drives a zip-car 3 times a year, never cooks but knows where all the cheap take-outs are...and secretly thinks she's the only normal barbie left out there?
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