Friday, May 15, 2009

Barack Obama Celebrity Roast

This fictionalized account of a future celebrity roast for El Messiah is written by one of the funniest satirists on the Internet. Here's a snippet [supposedly] coming from Queen Elizabeth:

Thanks for that swell intro, Shecky. By the way, I know how much you love our infidel nuclear technology, but we've got another 1940's invention you should really check out. It's called deodorant.


Listen folks, I know you came here expecting me to start hurling some tasteless insults at Barack Obama. But, seriously, I just can't bring myself to do it. Barack is almost like another son to me.

(audience: awwwww)

Yeah, another jug eared idiot with a hard-on for horsefaced women. Barack was in London a couple weeks ago and rang me up, asked if he could drop by for tea. So he comes in, and I'm thinking, whoa -- those Yanks have really stepped up their space program, he's brought along a real live Klingon. Turns out it was his wife.


Yep. Then, oh Jesus, in she starts with all the hugging. And I'm like, fer chrissake, somebody hand Lieutenant Worf a planet Earth protocol guide. Then Barack pops off and says, "hey Your Majesty, I brought a gift." Okay, I'm thinking, car company? Banking system? National Park? Then I open the box. It's an iPod. A fucking iPod. Preloaded with Barack's easy listening speech hits.

(stares at Obama amid nervous laughter)

Yeah, way to cement that special relationship, dumbfuck. Jesus Christ, was Wal Mart sold out of Sham Wows? Oh yeah, that iPod is going in the vault with the crown jewels. Right next to that sack of DVDs you bought for Gordy Brown.

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