Dumb Things Women Tell Each Other About Men

This afternoon I heard on the radio a woman enumerating the Top 7 Sexy Things That Women Can Do For Men. Some of them rang true but the #1 item was this:

#1 - Tell Him a Secret

I think every man listening to this let out a collective "HUH?!?" This sounds like one of those stupid lists in Cosmopolitan Magazine that too many women take as gospel.

The next time a woman wants to find out something from a man, here's a hint: Just ask him!!!

9-Year Old Relationship Expert

I think Amy Alkon better watch her back, because young Alec Greven may soon be biting at her heels!

7 Tips Here. I'm already taking notes and will bring them on every date!

And You Thought Your Dating Life/Past Was Strange?

This sounds like something out of Jerry Springer:

I'm a 21-year-old student who's been dating a 45-year-old man for three and a half years. He's been technically married throughout our relationship (two years ago, I discovered he lied about being divorced). I've given him an ultimatum: He has to be divorced by July, when I graduate. He agrees, but supports his 26-year-old daughter and unmarried 46-year-old sister (even paying to remodel her bathroom), and pays his wife's mortgage and bills. He manages to take me to dinner and helps with my rent, but he's pulled in so many directions. I'm told I'm very mature for my age, but I don't know how to handle this. I do love him very much, and we plan to get married and have children. Please don't focus on the age difference. A 27-year-old could have the same issues with a guy.

How It All Begins :-)

As I was leaving the supermarket today a young couple walked in. The fellow started walking toward what he wanted to buy but some plants near the entrance caught the woman's eye. She walked up to one, turned around and said to him, "Would you be adverse to having one of these at your place?"

Without really even looking at it, he responded, "Oh sure, I wouldn't mind."

You Pussy! You Coward!! You Woosey-Boy!!!

Okay, those weren't precisely my thoughts but I did smile and felt like saying to him, "Run while you can amigo, run while you can!" :-)

That's how relationships always begin, don't they? The woman "suggests" that the fellow get a particular plant. Then a few weeks later the bed sheet doubling as a tablecloth has to be replaced - and never with a good explanation IMHO - with something more elegant and dainty and colour-coordinated. Beginning about a month after they met he'll find himself accompanying her into more & more men's clothing stores, with new "suggestions" being thrown at him on each visit. He better be diligently recording every single word & emphasis of these "suggestions" into his Blackberry. I guarantee you that she won't forget a single one! And lo and behold, at a BBQ two months later, all of her girlfriends will somehow remember every one of them as well ... even though they were never there when they were made!

Eventually, and sadly 9 times out of 10, the relationship will end within a few months. The poor fellow will be caught off guard with a question about an attractive woman they both saw earlier in the day or not make mention of her new pair of shoes, or neglect to compliment her on the styling genius of color matching her gloves with her socks, or take 1.3 seconds too long to answer this question from her: "When you think of me, what animal comes to mind?" (And never answer with the animal that was so clearly obvious to her!)

However it happens, the poor slob will not know what he did wrong. Her demeanor will forever change from then on and no matter what he tries to do to make her happy, nothing will ever please her again like it seemed to before.

Then one day soon after he'll hear the 4 words most frightening to every male on this planet: "We Need To Talk". In a long tirade of emotions, she will explain that she is bitterly unhappy and things are just not working out as she had hoped. Some women will go right for the jugular and list more offenses that he has committed than were heard at the Nuremberg Trials. Others, even though they have such a list in their head, will choose the easier route and just say, "It isn't you, it's me. I need time alone. You're a great guy and one day some lucky woman will be grateful to find you."

And in the end, the devastated fellow will be left with a damn ugly plant that he never wanted in the first place!!!
Disclaimer: This entire rant about relationships was entirely made up and solely intended to put a smile on the face of all reading it after a terrible week. In no way, shape, or form does it reflect the personal opinions or experiences of the author, who can't believe that any women would actually do/say/think such things. :-))

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Update: You must now read this post. Hilarious and touché, touché, touché Ms. K!

Has Love Been Destroyed by Darwinism?

Here's an absolutely fascinating article about love, dating, & relationships in the New Millennium. I think I'm more depressed after reading it.

If you're interested, two fellows in Texas discuss the article here.

Permanent Bachelorhood

This interesting article was recently published in the UK. It focuses on the idea that perhaps remaining permanently single is a better option for some men, and I would suggest some women too.

Let me state unequivocally that finding "The One", that perfect person for you, marrying, and having children is still very much the ideal in my mind. But marrying the wrong person is not the second best option IMHO. It's more like the 3rd or even 4th best option.

In my time, I've just seen too many dysfunctional relationships where one or often both people belittle and disrespect the other on a regular basis. They might not ever leave each other out of fear of being alone or the financial repercussions but you'll never dissuade me from the inherent truth of this statement:

"I'd rather be single and relatively happy than in an unhappy relationship with the wrong person. There is no greater feeling of loneliness than being in that predicament."

Typical Women in Vancouver?

I came across this video by accident but couldn't stop from thinking that it is soooooooooooooo typical of people and conversations I frequently come across in Vancouver.
I wish I were kidding! In case you're interested, it's actually Episode 7 of a YouTube series called Imaginary Bitches. Feel free to visit the site to watch the rest.

Relationship Math

Good relationships are about addition.

Great relationships are about multiplication.

Bad relationships are about subtraction.


Sadly, there seems to be way too much of the latter going on these days.

New York Waiting

I just saw New York Waiting and highly recommend it. It's a Boy Meets Girl film with a major twist. A year before the [gorgeous] girlfriend of a young fellow left him and moved across the country to explore things with someone else. Not able to get over her, he mailed her an airline ticket, asking her to meet him at 8pm on a specific day at the top of the Empire State Building in New York City. No phone call. No e-mail. No confirmation. Just hope.

He arrived in New York a few days before this eventful day, fueled on the belief that she would “see the light” (ie. what a great guy he was). The next morning, with still a day to go before the big reunion, he decided to have coffee outside at one of the many little cafés that dot the city.

Stopping by the café at the same time was a pretty young woman, who had also flown in the night before, though to meet her long distance boyfriend. She did indeed spend the evening with him but assorted events that night showed her clearly that he was a player and not really interested in her. So she walked out on him. Not sure what to do, she had just gone from coffee shop to coffee shop. Meeting Mr. Reunion Guy, the two of them struck up a conversation and decided to go for a walk together, as visitors often do when traveling alone.

Much of the rest of the movie is about the two of them getting to know each other, flashbacks of his life before with Miss Perfect, and him helping this new young lady heal herself and move forward in life with a “brand new slate”.

I won’t say any more, lest it spoil the story. But rest assured that I LOVED this movie. The scenarios and conversations were so true to life. In fact, it touched pretty close to my own heart, describing with acute clarity how each of us can sometimes waste our lives hoping that someone we care deeply about will care as much about us as we do about them. Of course, they rarely do. But all the time, there is likely someone just as special waiting to meet us, if we’d ever let ourselves open up our hearts to them.

A Typical Vancouver Couple

I went for a walk today and got stuck behind this couple for about 10 minutes. The entire time they were each blathering on their cel phones. I guess those early magic moments of their relationship have passed.
Call me a sentimental romantic but I actually like to be mentally with the person I'm with, not just physically beside them.

Recipe on How to be a Phoney

David Berner clued me into this video. I have a different, personal take on it. First though, watch the video.

I've never liked Chris Matthews. He's one of those so-called journalists who is more concerned about his own fame than anything else. His questions often go on for 30+ seconds. He's not really interested in the answers his guests give him. In Canada we have several on TV and on the radio too.

His book seems to be an accurate representation of his view of the world: Power and fame and getting what you want are what life is all about. Doing whatever it takes, including feigning sincerity, is perfectly fine as long as your end goal is met. Helping others and expecting nothing in return is just foolish.

It's taken me a long time to realize that some people, perhaps a growing number, think exactly this way. They may constitute the majority of the so-called elites of our society, but they're a troubled lot. Imagine what it must be like to live one's life when nothing is sincere and real. If and when one hits hard times, it's pretty clear that such people will never be there for you; superficially maybe, but not actually.

This past year I deliberately cut out of my life several people who I felt were of the same mindset as this. None of them are "bad" people, but in each case, I strongly felt that they came to each meeting, to each discussion with a specific agenda. I was simply a conduit to helping them acquire what they wanted, which was most often a connection or an introduction.

Certainly, we all want and need things at different times in our lives. But aren't friendships and companionships and relationships supposed to mean something more than "what's in it for me"?

Perhaps it's a necessary and healthy exercise every once in a while to examine each person in your life and ask yourself, "Are they only here because they want sex or money or connections or power?" If so, pruning is definitely the order of the day!

Couples Therapy Session

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman stopped speaking and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

One Relationship For Life or One Life Full of Relationships?

Writer Amy Alkon has just written an excellent article about being single and happy. This is something I think a lot about at times, though not so much recently. Do give it a read!

Dear Prudence, Off Base?

Every week I get sent this advice column. I don't know why but I find the stories quirky and yet compelling. Often I agree with the columnist, but not this time:

Dear Prudence,
I have been dating this guy for about three months. When we first met, I was struck by his gentleness and kindness. The sex is great. I can express myself, all my quirky idiosyncrasies included, and not fear judgment or ridicule. He understands me and accepts me as I am. Which is why I'm having such a hard time with this dilemma: I've never dated anyone so sensitive before. He has his bad days, as we all do, but his bad days make him cry. His mood spirals down into an abyss of self-hatred and emotional despair. I try to talk him out of it, and often I'm successful. He says that just seeing me and holding me boosts his mood considerably. I've tried to help him figure out how something like a tiff with his boss can make him feel like the world is ending. I've suggested therapy, but he gets defensive, and I don't want to shatter the tiny bit of ego he has. The other (bigger) part of me just wants to yell, "For God's sake, grow some balls!" When we started dating, I had the "wow, he could be the one" thoughts. Now, I can't imagine spending my life with this man, having kids, etc., because I feel he's weak and it disgusts me. It's infuriating because the rest of him is so great. I love him and want to see where this can possibly go, but if I can't find a way to overcome this, then I may as well end it now.

—Distressed

Dear Distressed,
Talk about spiraling down. You start your letter rhapsodizing about this wonderful new guy and end it describing your fury and disgust. You love that you've found someone so sensitive to you, but can't stand that he's so sensitive. Your guy already has balls—as you note in your third sentence. Being supported and understood, and giving that in return, is the magical part of a relationship, but I agree that feeling you also need to be your partner's therapist isn't. Your boyfriend needs a therapist, because what he's experiencing is crippling emotional distress. I've recommended it before, but he sounds as if cognitive behavioral therapy could help him to reorder his reactions to the world and give him some much-needed ballast. It could also be that he could benefit from short- or even long-term medication for relief from his frequent downward spirals. You say you love him, so when you talk to him about this, be gentle, but don't dance around it. There's nothing embarrassing or ego-shattering about needing help to make your life function better. Explain to him that you want to be the love in his life, but you can't be his doctor. If he refuses to get help, then your relationship is doomed—feelings of contempt will poison even the best sex life. But if he does get help, then you have to see if you can get past your own restrictive notions of masculinity so that you can fully understand and accept him.

—Prudie

In my twenties I tried to fit into the mold of what many women said they wanted in a man: A Sensitive New Age Guy. Then I learned, for the first of many times, that women often lie! Okay, I'll be more politically correct: Some women periodically misconstrue what they're actually looking for with what they think they're looking for.

It finally took a few more direct women - one ex-girlfriend and one adopted sister - to point out to me that no woman I'd ever want to be with wants a guy who cries or is too sensitive or generally isn't someone that she can depend on when she needs support.

The columnist here just take the standard New Age approach of saying that he needs medication and/or therapy. Maybe he just needs a swift kick in the ass by the woman in his life or a male figure he respects and told to buck up and act more like a cowboy from an old Western than one from Brokeback Mountain!

P.S. I realize that this entire posting may offend some. Not my deliberate intention but do try removing your PC blinders for a second and take some time to think about how the real world works.

Spanglish

I had long wanted to see this movie and finally did so last night. It was absolutely delightful. I wasn't actually aware of the precise story beforehand and was perhaps even more surprised and charmed by it as a result. My great interest in Latin culture undoubtedly has a lot to do with the year I spent in Mexico City in 1996-97 and my subsequent relationship with a beautiful Mexican woman and her young son in the years following. The story of Spanglish is completely different than mine but hit many personal chords nonetheless.

In a nutshell, the movie is about a beautiful Mexican woman (played by Spanish actress Paz Vega) who moves to Los Angeles from Mexico when her daughter is quite young. Eventually she accepts a job as the housekeeper for a wealthy white family. On the surface the movie is about the clash of cultures but it's really more the clash between a down-to-earth, balanced, hard-working poor woman and a nutty, self-absorbed, and shallow wealthy woman. On a broader level it illustrates why so many in the West are desperately unhappy and lost in their lives.

It reminded me of why I felt so comfortable living in the Latin culture and why I can never go back to getting involved with the neurotic junior sisters of the antagonist; women that, sadly, I meet too often here in Vancouver.